The last 4 days have presented a bevy of obstacles to both me on a personal level and my family on a physical level. You never exactly know when your life can be flipped upside down on you and all too often we take our comfort all too for granted, especially our health. Seeing my mom (one of the people I believe to be intellectually similar to me) be unable to articulate her last name to the EMT's, not know my own name and have no idea what her own birthday is was something that I would wish on nobody. The whirlwind of emotions that go through your mind in such a circumstance are everything from shock to sadness to confusion and back to shock. After the EMT's took her to the Emergency Room, I had a brief moment to reflect on what had just transpired by myself. Many questions arose in my mind during this time, such as: What on earth just happened? God, are you going to do something? What is wrong with her? In addition to many more. While I was quick to realize the uncertainty in regard to what my mom was facing, I failed to remind myself of the God we serve. On the drive to Springfield I had Spotify (similar to iTunes) on shuffle mode and was challenged by song after song talking about the faithfulness of God. The sweet truths of "Grace Wins", "Just Be Held", "Hope in Front of Me" and "Forever" echoed an ever present theme of how in spite of how bad this scenario, I serve a God who is greater than any struggle or circumstance I find myself in. This seemingly insignificant 20 minute car ride turned into a spiritual awakening in which I was able to regain some semblance of composure about seeing my own mother unable to A) walk out of her own room and B) show any signs of normal cognitive function.
The initial prognoses' varied from blood poisoning to some sort Labyrinthitis, however due to a fever of 103+ and an infection that was clearly altering her memory in addition to producing severe pain in her knee, these results were lacking the answers that I was expecting. This uneasiness and confusion only increased whenever they took her into surgery for her knee (the infection had gathered in her knee due to it being a Sepsis infection) whenever she was in such a weak state of being. Helplessness was the overlying feeling that consumed me during this time. I myself have been the subject of many surgeries and procedures over the years and have had the luxury of having my mom by my side through my worst moments, however there was a moment (whilebeit brief) that I felt as though I was going to lose the person who had always been there for me. During this (brief) time of uncertainty, a wave of peace overcame this developing gap in my heart, seemingly God's answer to my questions from mere hours before. I kept on looking at the size of the giant in front of my family while failing to remind myself of the all encompassing power of my God.
Following the surgery and a couple of hours in the post op room, we were finally able to see her. During this brief time, there was a moment in which my mom (still experiencing severe cognitive lapses) reached her hand out and held mine. This seemingly insignificant moment crushed any lingering doubts in my mind of her not making it through this, in addition to God once again providing an answer to my completely unnecessary questions from before.
My mom's not back to 100% yet, she still is having some issues with her memory and is still recovering from the knee surgery, however as God has demonstrated throughout these last 72 hours, HE is in control of this situation and HE has a plan that is bigger, better and impossible for me to understand or see.
Just as this situation saw a significant upswing in positivity, the revelation of yet more negative news came in from another side of the family. My Grandfather (dad's side) had been battling an infection that had been spreading rampant throughout his body over the last 3 months and we got word that the infection finally spread into his brain earlier today. After I finally had the assurance that my mom would make it through this struggle fine, yet another massive dose of bad news surfaced. While I'm obviously not certain of how my grandpa will be, or even if he will still be with us in the coming days, I am certain of the following truths. 1: My Grandfather is an example of God's redemptive power. He accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior a mere 4 years ago however in this short timeframe there has been an extraordinary change in his lifestyle and attitude on life. 2. My Grandfather will be in Heaven if this is in fact his time to leave this planet. I cannot imagine the stress and pain going through the mind of my Grandmother in Oklahoma City (who is a recent cancer survivor) in addition to the pain of emotion being experienced by my father who is having to go through this without his best friend who also happens to be in the hospital.
While I can't begin to comprehend why all of these things are transpiring in both my life and the life of my family, I can tell you that I serve a faithful God who promises to not give anyone anything that they can't get through. I also trust that God has a plan in all of this, even if I can't understand it on this side of Heaven. Finally, I trust that even if I lose my Grandfather, and even if I would have lost my mother, I would/will see them again one day. I can't begin to know what will happen, however God is in control and He is faithful in spite of our doubts and questioning spirit.
Thank all of you for your continuing prayers and support that you have showered upon my family in this time of chaos! We appreciate each and every one of you more than you know.
God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.
